Wife: “In my dream, I saw you in a jewellery store and you bought me a diamond ring.”
Husband: “I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill.” _________________
Girlfriend: “Am I pretty or ugly?”
Boyfriend: “You’re both.”
Girlfriend: “What do you mean?”
Boyfriend: “You’re pretty ugly.” ________________
A scientist and a philosopher are being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist makes some quick calculations and says, “It’s no good trying to outrun it. It’s catching up!”
The philosopher keeps a little ahead and replies, “I’m not trying to outrun the lion, I’m trying to outrun you!” _____________________
Boss: Do you believe in life after death?
Employee: No, because there is no proof of it.
Boss: Well, there is now!
Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle’s funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left.
Teacher: Suppose, you have 4 coins in your pocket and there is a hole in the pocket. All the four coins fall down from that hole. What will you have in your pocket?
Student: A hole! ________________________
A new student came to the class. After asking his name the teacher said,
‘What does your father do?’ Student: Whatever Mom says. _____________________
Teacher: Sir, why doctors wear a mask when they do an operation?
Student: For safety. If the patient dies, others can’t find out who did the operation. _____________________
Teacher: Gwen, come here and point out Africa from this globe.
Teacher: Correct! John, who discovered Africa?
Class: Gwen!! _______________
Ben got 100 out of 100 in the exam. So the teacher gave him a gift and said:
I hope you will do the same in the next exam.’
Ben: Thank you Sir. I hope you will also print the question paper from my uncle’s printing shop next time. ___________________
Sam: Hey John!
Sam: Did you know Microsoft just bought Skype for ten million dollars?
John: Idiots…. They could have downloaded it for free.
Teacher: You promised me to submit me a paragraph, right?
Student: Yes Sir.
Teacher: And I also promised that if you fail to submit it, I will punish you, right?
Student: Yes Sir, so it will be fair if you break your promise too.
After answering correct, the teacher said, ‘Smith, tell me an important incident which never happened before within ten years’.
Smith: I answered correct today.