Wife: “In my dream, I saw you in a jewellery store and you bought me a diamond ring.”
Husband: “I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill.” _________________
Girlfriend: “Am I pretty or ugly?”
Boyfriend: “You’re both.”
Girlfriend: “What do you mean?”
Boyfriend: “You’re pretty ugly.” ________________
A scientist and a philosopher are being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist makes some quick calculations and says, “It’s no good trying to outrun it. It’s catching up!”
The philosopher keeps a little ahead and replies, “I’m not trying to outrun the lion, I’m trying to outrun you!” _____________________
Boss: Do you believe in life after death?
Employee: No, because there is no proof of it.
Boss: Well, there is now!
Employee: How?
Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle’s funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left.
__________________________
Teacher: Suppose, you have 4 coins in your pocket and there is a hole in the pocket. All the four coins fall down from that hole. What will you have in your pocket?
Student: A hole! ________________________
A new student came to the class. After asking his name the teacher said,
‘What does your father do?’ Student: Whatever Mom says. _____________________
Teacher: Sir, why doctors wear a mask when they do an operation?
Student: For safety. If the patient dies, others can’t find out who did the operation. _____________________
Teacher: Gwen, come here and point out Africa from this globe.
Gwen: here
Teacher: Correct! John, who discovered Africa?
Class: Gwen!! _______________
Ben got 100 out of 100 in the exam. So the teacher gave him a gift and said:
I hope you will do the same in the next exam.’
Ben: Thank you Sir. I hope you will also print the question paper from my uncle’s printing shop next time. ___________________
Sam: Hey John!
John: Hey!
Sam: Did you know Microsoft just bought Skype for ten million dollars?
John: Really!?
John: Idiots…. They could have downloaded it for free.
_____________________
Teacher: You promised me to submit me a paragraph, right?
Student: Yes Sir.
Teacher: And I also promised that if you fail to submit it, I will punish you, right?
Student: Yes Sir, so it will be fair if you break your promise too.
_____________________
After answering correct, the teacher said, ‘Smith, tell me an important incident which never happened before within ten years’.
Smith: I answered correct today.
_____________________